As I began writing the idea for this blog I was laying down in the back of my Subaru, watching the sun go down over the mountains somewhere in the middle of Nevada. I was surrounded by my things, getting ready to tuck myself in for a night of car camping, listening to the birds and the bugs and the silence in between.
That moment felt right. Alone in the middle of nowhere, watching the day turn to night with a car full of my material things, and my art and the computer I am writing this on; the essentials. That moment felt so right, yet logically it made no sense.
You see, I am a recent graduate with my Masters in Social Justice and Human Rights. A degree that taught me so much, opened my eyes to the darkest and the brightest parts of humanity. I feel full, and yet so confused on what to do next. These transitional phases of life used to be the scariest to me, but now I see the beauty in a blank slate or an empty canvas.
For this newest fresh start of mine happening now, I made a deal with myself that I will follow what feels good from that point of fresh confusion. As a recent graduate, currently in a restricted financial situation, and next-to-no job prospects on the horizon, I did the opposite of what my logical brain was saying and followed the strong intuitive feeling I had to come to California.
“You must love to spend money.”
“It is so expensive there though.”
“With what funds?”
These are some of the responses I received upon telling friends and family. Sometimes the people closest to you will not understand the choices you make either, and that is okay.
As a “recovering people pleaser,” it can be tough to go against the grain of what my family has expected me to do, or where they want me to live, or work, or the timeline in which they feel I should be living my life. In the end, if I am not following my own happiness and fulfillment, then I am only hurting myself and holding myself back. By limiting ourselves, we also are limiting the world.
There may be times where we feel called to do something that we might not normally do or something that does not seem to make sense logically, but I encourage you to follow those feelings towards personal fulfillment. Talk to that random person, go to that new place, work at that new tattoo shop, whatever it is you feel called to do from a deep and positive place, there is a reason for it. This is why people often say to follow your gut, or at the SPARK Initiative, to listen to your Spark or your intuition.
I encourage you to think about a world where everyone’s priority is to do what makes them feel the best at any moment, not in a selfish way, but a fulfilling way. We each hold so much potential and creative power, and those are the things our intuition points us towards. Tyler the Creator says the same so playfully within his most recent album: “Whatever brings you that immense joy, do that, that’s your luxury.”
We were certainly not put on this beautiful planet to not enjoy what we do or where we live. I am not telling you to quit your job, or move to a new city, or make any big drastic decisions just because. Rather this is a lesson on impulse control, and learning what we want from impulse and what we really desire deep down. Those Yeezy slides feel a little less important when I think about what I could experience instead with that money. Although there are phases of our lives where the blank canvas becomes dramatically apparent, and major change occurs, there are many less momentous opportunities to intentionally create a blank canvas.
As a society, we often push the start of something to a time that logically makes sense on the calendar. Time is a concept. Time is a tool for us, it does not dictate our life. We will start that project on the first of the month, or I will do that on Monday, or I’ll restart eating well tomorrow morning. By doing this we are giving power to time, and not respecting what we really want, and what our body is telling us. With each breath we have a chance to pivot and see a blank canvas before us.
As I finish this, in an apartment in downtown LA, my life continues to unfold in ways I never could have imagined before getting here. Do not let fear and time be in charge of your decisions. Follow what feels good to you each day, and see where this takes you. I have no doubt it will be fulfilling, rewarding, and energizing to honor what your intuition is saying. If you do end up following the feeling to California, let me know.